I've had a lot on my mind lately. In fact, I confessed to some friends the other night that I am a "closet thinker" (because I probably don't come across as a thinker to most people! or anyone for that matter! LOL) But my brain hurts 90% of the time because it never stops. It's kind of annoying actually.
I'm not even sure where to start. And I'm not a gifted writer so I'll be brief. But my heart has been overwhelmed lately with all the needs in this world. Everywhere I turn I am hearing, reading, seeing... real needs, from real people. Many are across the world, and some are in my backyard.
About 5 years ago I read the book "
Ministries of Mercy" by Tim Keller and it rocked my world. Reading statistics on the poor and the oppressed really struck me like never before. It's been a slow work the Lord has been doing and honestly there have been times I've been angry and frustrated with God. He has answered my prayer "break my heart for what breaks yours" (which I am so thankful for). My heart is breaking. The things of this world are slowing losing their luster. Yet I haven't felt any guidance or direction on where to serve. Ok as I wrote that I realize that's not really true. He has laid on my heart many SMALL ways to serve. We have a lot of opportunities that by God's grace we take advantage of through giving financially, praying, taking people meals, etc but for some reason I feel like there must be more. If more Christians stepped up and took God's command to care for the orphans, widows, poor and oppressed then the world would look much different.
After our first 3 years of marriage I was ready to make the leap into "normal". I wanted children, a nice house, and all the wonderful things that come along with that. Fast forward 6 years and we've been blessed beyond my wildest imagination (thinking at one point we may never have kids (we now have 2) and starting a business from scratch that we hoped would make it(we now have 2 locations and 34 employees) )and in many ways I feel "we have arrived". But now I long for something greater. I know the ultimate longing is for heaven which I will not find on earth-even in serving the Lord. (Andy has to remind me of that often). But how can we live a "normal" life yet be obedient to all God commands of us? It's like they don't really mix. All of the sudden being "normal" does not sound very appealing to me. I used to be afraid.. "what if my life isn't normal?" and now I'm afraid..."what if my life IS normal"! What if I never really step out in faith..with reckless abandon?! I want to so bad yet I have no idea what that looks like! (I have to remind myself of the verse "do not despise the day of small things" Zech 4:10..I know the Lord redeems those too!)
Andy and I are seeking...we are praying...we are trying to rest in HIM and to Trust (Andy's much better at that than I am). I can't wait to see where he takes us! We are dreaming about how the Lord might use our platform of Ashley Mac's to further His kingdom. (I've recently been encouraged from numerous people on what a blessing food can be! Sometimes I miss the stuff that is right in front of my face) Anyways, as I wait on Him, I have to fight to believe that where I am today is His will just as much as the radical things He may call us to. That's hard for me to believe. It's also hard for me to believe that Jesus cares just as much about changing my heart as He does about using me to change the world (as I heard in the sermon at church last week). That's pretty crazy huh?!!! I can't even fathom that! Does he really love ME that much?!!! wow.
"Religion that is pure and faultess is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world". James 1:27
"He has shown thee, O man, what is good and what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God" Micah 6:8
I'm thankful that God seems to be reviving the evangelical church in America to take those commands seriously. I'm REALLY EXCITED to have a husband, a church, and so many friends that are feeling the same way I am.
I wanted to say it better. And there is so much more. But I stink at writing. And I'm tired.
What about you? I know many of you have had similar feelings...and if not maybe there are other things you feel the Lord tugging at your heart. Would love your thoughts! Seriously- I'll feel better about using my one hour of silence to write this post if you can leave even a 2 word comment(:
Below are just a few of the books and articles I've read over the past few months that have been an amazing encouragement to me: (Andy says I need to take a break...information overload..apparently my brain is too small- that must be what he is telling me)
Passport Through Darkness A very brave woman who goes to the Sudan. Makes me want to rescue those hurting people. And now when I see anything on the Sudan in the news it has more meaning. I can actually grasp how really bad it is.
When Helping Hurts The Deacons at our Church are reading this so I stole it from Andy. Just started it and have to slow down because it's a lot to digest. Tons of scripture to disect. It's gonna be good though.
Alter 84 amazing organization I just found out about
Generous Justice "How God's Grace makes us Just" by Tim Keller. Our small group just finished this book and it is AMAZING.
Here's big brother and a few other random pics from the last week
